Sunday, October 13, 2013

Line!


For what else is the life of man but a kind of play in which men in various costumes perform until the director motions them offstage?” – Erasmus, The Praise of Folly, 1511


There are no original thoughts, it seems. But it feels original when we think of things ourselves; and while Eramus may have first put to paper the concept of the world being a stage, Shakespeare did sort of pick up the idea and run with it. Regardless of who gets credit, I think about the concept from time to time.
Shakespeare started his “all the world's a stage” declaring we are “merely players” making exits and entrances. He then goes on to explain the seven roles a man plays throughout a lifetime. It's very famous, and if you've never read it, you should. Those seven are: the infant, the school boy, the lover, the soldier, the justice, the old man and the second child. Let's just say that I'm more than half-way through that list. But that's not what bothers me.
I agree that the world is a stage and we all play our parts, it's just that neither Erasmus nor Shakespeare say anything about all the roles we play at the same time. I feel sometimes that I'm in a repertory company. I'm a father, a husband, an employee, a boss, a friend, a son, a writer, an editor, a journalist and a man to name a few. These roles come together a lot, but many times I need to keep them separate.
For instance, a joke I make around the house is to complain that I'm an award-winning newspaper editor and well-respected within the community; but I get no such respect at home – I still have to clean the toilets, take out the garbage and my two sons are experts and the “teen eye roll” as if to indicate I'm a complete idiot. Robin, my wife, and Connor, my 16-year-old son, enjoy whispering, pointing at me and laughing. I usually have no idea what it is about me they find humorous, but it's not very respectful.
I'm fortunate to have chosen a wife who does respect and love me, but will not put up with any hubris. She keeps me humble, and the kids follow her lead. Outsiders may not understand that dynamic, but I encourage it – I don't mind being silly and I want my boys to understand that there is nothing wrong with laughter, and being able to laugh at yourself is the best way to deflect the sting of an insult. It's my role at home and at the core, the closest to the me I see in the mirror.
At the office, I'm a manager. I admit that I've never been reluctant to be a manager, it's always something I thought I would do well. It's not always enjoyable, there are daily decisions that must be made, you have to be able to lead people toward the same goal. Worst of all, you sometimes have to be an asshole. It's a role, and it has to be played.
Another role I've picked up lately is of “author.” That's the most public and, honestly, the one I enjoy the most. I want people to read what I write; and more importantly, it's cooler when I get money to do so. To that end, I maintain a somewhat public persona. I don't swear like I normally do, I don't get caught up in political or religious arguments on social media or in person. With every person who encounters me being a potential customer, why would I antagonize half of them? I know some writers who have no qualms about that, and that is fine. It's just not an image I want to portray.
Anyone who's read any of my fiction will come away with a general positive impression. That's a conscious effort, not because I don't appreciate the dark side of things. It's because there are plenty of people out there who do the dark stuff much better than I ever could. I like to think that what I bring to the table is a sly chuckle and maybe a tear of recognition. There's room, and an audience, for what I do. At least I hope there is; and if there isn't, I'm fine with that.
This may seem to imply that I don't have political or religious rants stored up in my brain, or a past that has been checkered with acts that I'm not necessarily proud of, nor am I ashamed. I am who I am, I've done what I've done and that's that. That doesn't mean I need to broadcast it to the whole world. (Ah, you say, but doesn't a writer write about what he knows, and isn't some of those characters and situations you write about at least a little bit autobiographical? The answer is a simple “yes,” but more times than not, the answer is “no.” I do like to make stuff up.)
So how do all these characters I play deal with each other? How does the insecurity of the long-grown child sit side-by-side with the confidence it takes to be a newspaper editor? Or manage people? Or be a father? Or write books?
You got me, I'm just trying my best to play the roles I've been given, and most of the time it feels like an improvisational exercise. If there's a script, no one's ever given me one.