This
day started 51 minutes ago with a dog waking me by licking my hand.
She had to go out a pee and since I have a bunch of things to do
today, I determined that my canine alarm clock had done its job.
It's
Sunday, which the Bible says is a day of rest. This being
modern times, there is very little resting going on. There are chores
to do and I dived into cleaning of the dirty dishes, left over from
several days of neglect. In our house, an anticipation of the weekend
is a good reason to let dishes and garbage pile up. I act as if this
really annoys me, but usually do little to combat the problem. After
a work week, I usually just want to relax. That makes for a wasted
Saturday, and by Sunday, I feel the weight of my guilt for not
trimming the weeds around the house, cleaning out the shed and, yep,
doing the dishes.
Cleaning
dishes doesn't bother me that much other than it seems like it has to
be done too frequently. I imagine I'll be finishing this day by doing
the dishes. But this morning I didn't mind. It was quiet, everyone
was still in bed. The sun was just coming up over the ridge to our
little valley in a fiery orange. The light was reflected off the
remnants of storm clouds in the north and you could just tell by
looking that summer is winding down.
That
doesn't hurt my feelings in any way – I'm generally not a big fan
of summer with its heat and bugs and sunburns. Fall is my season and
with this one I know change is on the way. I can feel it like an
anxiety nagging in the pit of my stomach. I've got a sense of what
changes are coming because they've already started. Some are being
forced upon me and my family, others I've tried to control myself the
best I can.
This
will be the fourth major change in my life, and they always seem to
come in 10-year increments in birthday years that end in eight. That
means I faced changes when I was 18, 28, 38 and now that I'm 48, it's
on again. Change is constant, I know this, but as humans we like to
have some things remain the same – it gives us comfort. I can deal
with those small changes and for the most part welcome them. The
major changes, though, can sometimes take years to occur and the
outcomes are sometimes questionable.
When
I was 18, I joined the US Air Force. That's a pretty jarring change
in lifestyle, but the transition from high school student to Airman
Rory started months before the first drill instrucotr was yelling at
me. It started with my parents separation and divorce in which I went
from the relative comfort of a two-parent home to having to work so
I'd have money for rent and food in a matter of weeks. The Air Force
was a welcomed change.
But
the next 10 years was spent following my whims, which was pretty much
involved either a party or a girl. I won't deny it; I had fun. But I
had no depth, no plans; and by 28 I realized I had to change that. I
had to grow up and do something about my life, otherwise I was going
to end up being that middle-aged barfly everyone make fun of. I was
28 when I went back to school to get a degree and pursue a career in
journalism and a home life of marriage and kids. By 38, I had
forgotten who I was at my core. My ambition was damaging my
relationships and my career. The changes were more internal
then, but just as important.
And
now I'm 48. I decided not long after my birthday back in January that
I was going to control my changes – I was going to make a go of
being a novelist. I'd played around with that my whole life, it
seems, and now I was going to give it a shot. There is nothing more
I'd rather do than write my own stories for a living; dealing with
the public on those terms only selling my own product. I've got two
books out there now, and while they aren't best sellers they have
brought me a couple of bucks and lots of encouragement. I honestly
think I can make this happen where I'll be able to make a decent
living off it, or maybe not. Here's what I know, though – every
goal I've ever set for myself I've been able to accomplish. I know
achieving goals take hard work and discipline. I can do that.
I
am a little worried what 58 might bring, but that's 10 years down the
road.
